MOMENTS OF WEAKNESS

I GOT THIS and I KNOW I DO, but there have been a few moments of weakness over the last 3 weeks.  NEVER during this journey have I been upset or cried over the fact that I have this mutated gene for one main reason- I can happily say that I DO NOT HAVE CANCER and I am SO thankful I have a way of being preventative to NEVER get stomach cancer which took my mom and grandfather’s lives!  However, as this surgery has gotten closer a LOT of things have come into perspective for me and I’ve had a few moments of weakness.

First one was when I actually stopped and realized the OVERWHELMING amount of love and support I have on this journey!  When this all began, we never asked for anything more than thoughts, prayers, good vibes, good juju…whatever you had in that form to give.  From friends/family dropping a kind private message wishing me luck on Facebook, receiving such kind cards in the mail reminding me that I’m brave, having so many people willing to be an open ear when I need to talk, friends/family coming out for my stomachs going-away party, gift cards to help before and after surgery, and WITHOUT a DOUBT the generosity of people donating their hard earned money to help us out with this whole surgery whether it was through a donation or helping to pick up a monthly bill.  EVERY-SINGLE-THING that has been said and done has meant more than you know!  (and here come those darn overwhelming tears, again) But in all seriousness, I really don’t know if I could have gotten this far and been this strong without all of the love and support.  Friends who I would have NEVER expected have come out of the woodwork and I am SO thankful.  With ALL of my WHOLE HEART, I sincerely want to say THANK-YOU for ALL you guys have done.  I wish there was something I could say or do to show how thankful I am, but I’m not sure I could come up with something that large.  JUST THANK YOU-THANK YOU-THANK YOU!

Second moment of weakness is when I think about losing my stomach.  This little guy has been my side-kick since before a single person here on earth actually knew me.  He helped me while I was still in my mom’s belly and now he’s leaving.  We have our days, but for the most part he’s been REALLY good to me!  The American culture really does base a lot of things around food whether it’s “grabbing a bite to eat to catch up” or even rewarding with food.  A lot of get-togethers involve food whether for a birthday party, going-away party, or funeral….they all, generally, have food at them.  So, this little guy has been with me through a LOT.  It’s just crazy that he won’t be here to help me out anymore.  Other organs and body parts are going to pick up his slack.  It really is true that you can grieve the loss of a body part and although I don’t SEE him, he does a LOT of work and he’s really going to be missed.

Third moment of weakness is when I realize going into this HUGE surgery that my mom won’t be here.  Other than wisdom teeth being taken out, she has been here for me for EVERY surgery (I have had 7 ear surgeries, so it’s been a lot).  She would sit there, wait for me, freak out a little when I would ALWAYS be in recovery for longer than expected EVERY-SINGLE-TIME, and she would always let me know after surgery what crazy things I had to say while waking up from the anesthesia and we would laugh together.  I HATE that she’s not here for me to run to, talk to, cry to, etc., but really if it weren’t for her and fighting the battle she did, I would not be where I am today with the option of being preventative.  I am thankful for her in more ways than one and although I know she’ll be watching over me, I REALLY wish she was going to be here for my surgery.

Ok, now that those are out of the way….time to chin up and push on through!  I know I got this and with the love and support from my family, friends, etc. I will get through this even easier, I hope!